Gabi Fedel
COMFORTABLE BEING UNCOMFORTABLE
Key Insight #2
New Year’s Eve in 2019, I found myself in an auditorium in rural Georgia with thousands of other young adults. Sitting in a small chair, I remember being excited for the unknown. I purchased a ticket to the Passion conference less than 24 hours earlier, and was about to leave for four months to Costa Rica for study abroad. Passion is a Christian conference designed to unite people from all over the world around one thing – Jesus. Since we decided to attend the conference at the last minute, we were only able to purchase a one-session ticket with one speaker, Christine Caine. After a powerful praise and worship session, she opened preaching from the book of Luke in her Australian accent, full of spunk, humor, and friendliness. Using her voice, the holy spirit had me captivated for the next 56 minutes. I was a sponge, soaking up the wisdom she was speaking into my life. Leaving the conference, one main theme implanted in my mind: God does not call us to live a life of comfort. I received her message with simultaneous regret and hope. Throughout her entire talk, I reflected on the many ways that I had chosen the comfortable route – one in which my strengths were acknowledged, and my weaknesses hidden. Countless memories of times during which I chose to not step out in faith began to fill my heart with regret. However, my mind also thought of the future and hope began to fill my heart. Embarking on a new journey to Costa Rica gave me the opportunity to live a lifestyle completely out of my comfort zone. After hearing Mrs. Caine speak, I was fired up about the chance to make new choices which would allow me to grow. However, upon arrival in Costa Rica I wished I was back in the safety net of my seat in the auditorium in Georgia, just learning – not yet having the courage to live out these new life goals. Eventually, I learned that continuing to push myself outside of my comfort zone and relying on my faith would allow me to grow in all areas of my life. Although we might think life is safe and good in our comfort zone, all of the best things in life happen on the outward side of it. As I attempted to live a lifestyle outside of my comfort zone, I found that strong relationships with new people in new communities gave me the courage and support to take risks and grow.
When I moved to Costa Rica, I did not know a single, familiar soul. I did not speak the language. I knew nothing about their culture, and I was thousands of miles away from my support network of my friends and family in the States. On my first night in Costa Rica, I cried myself to sleep. Although just days before I was beyond excited to study abroad, I found myself absolutely terrified for the next four months of my life. The first morning, I was awakened by the slightest knock from my host mother, Jessenia, as she called my name in a soft, warm, Hispanic accent. The knock came at 6:30 am. The sun was up, and the day had already begun. I walked out to the kitchen and was greeted with the smells of gallo pinto, a Costa Rican style rice and beans breakfast dish, and a diverse fruit plate. It was the first morning I had ever had rice and beans for breakfast. The unfamiliarity of the morning spiked my nerves. I sat down at the bar, giving the best smile that I could to my host mom each time she addressed me. I did not understand a word she was saying and was beyond uncomfortable. Every part of me wanted to hop on the computer and book a flight back home and cancel the semester altogether. However, within an hour, we were out the door with my host brothers. She gave me a walking tour of our entire small city, known as San Ramon. Artifact 1 is a photo of my host mom and my youngest host brother on our walk. The photo was taken of us on our first walks in San Ramon together. Jessenia did not own a car, so our main transportation was by feet around our beautiful town. On each of our walks, we ran into friends and family; my community and comfort in my new town grew.
On Jessenia and I’s first exploration walk around San Ramon, we were both unable to communicate through language. We adapted using hand movements, smiles, pointing, and of course Google Translate. There is immense comfort in the ability to communicate emotions through the use of language. However, I learned quickly that language is not the only way to communicate. Despite my inability to initially communicate with my host family, they each chose to treat me as part of the family. I went to birthday parties for my new cousins, family dinners and cookouts, played basketball with my host brothers, learned new dances with my host grandpa, cooked with my host mom, attended church as a family, played hundreds of games of Uno, and so much more. Artifact 2 is a photo I took of my youngest host brother, Sebas, and I taking a break from homework and playing Uno. Sebas and I played Uno almost every day. Since we were not able to communicate in the beginning, Uno was our way of spending time together. Throughout our Uno games, I learned many new Spanish words and phrases. However, my favorite and most-used word that he taught me was “tramposo,” which means “cheater.” He was always trying to cheat to beat me, and this word began our little inside joke. Eventually it began each other’s nickname and the only thing that we called each other.
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Jesenia was my guardian angel throughout my entire time abroad. She is a strong woman and although it was intimidating and uncomfortable to be swooped into the family so quickly, I would have never had it any other way. My host mom pushed me out of my comfort zone every day. She woke me up an extra hour early before class to practice Spanish with me. The mornings were a safe environment for me, where I was comfortable getting uncomfortable in pushing the limits of my ability to speak Spanish. I saw that Jessenia believed in my abilities to improve in the language, even when I was doubtful. Jessenia was a single mother of four wonderful children; her mornings started promptly at 5:30 every morning and considering the never-ending house chores, she did not have time to work with me on my Spanish. Yet every morning, at the same time, without fail the same knock hit my door. My progression of Spanish trekked forward slowly, and many mornings were frustrating for both of us. Through my Spanish classes at school and hours of help from my host siblings, my Spanish was able to improve drastically. Artifact 3 depicts a photo of my host mom in the kitchen cooking and multitasking. She would make breakfast and I would sit, take notes on new phrases, and practice my pronunciation. That morning, Jesenia and I were excited because it was her first morning cooking in the kitchen with her brand-new cabinets!
The support from my Costa Rica community allowed me to get comfortable being uncomfortable abroad. As terrifying as it was to plant my roots in a new country, I was still able to find comfort in the new relationships I built. Through strong personal relationships, I was able to gain the confidence to step out of my comfort and grow. Within the San Ramon community, I was able to find events and people which laid the foundation of my growth and learning abroad. As I continued to trust, build friendships, and find my independence, I grew within the discomfort. Although the early mornings practicing Spanish were arduous, it became clear that through consistency, I learned the value of self-discipline. The drastic improvements of my Spanish-speaking abilities and the relationship I was building with my host mother made every early morning immeasurably valuable. Through experiences, I discovered a new way of living, and before I knew it, I was giving directions to locals and recommending good restaurants on walks into town. My experiences in Costa Rica were vital in teaching me the value of new supportive friendships and growing within areas of unfamiliarly.
Back home in the United States my safety net is the strong relationships I have with my friends and family. When I am around them, it is my stress relief and where I am able to fully be myself. Bachelor nights with my friends or going to get Mexican with my family are familiar and comfortable events where I find joy and peace. However, as a Resident Mentor, I quickly learned that not everyone finds community and support in the same activities or types of people that I do. Although I was involved in many organizations on campus, each specific area I poured my time into was related to what I am personally passionate about. With 34 new freshman students taken under my wing, I quickly realized how unprepared I was to adequately support 34 diverse students. Each with unique questions, I knew my goal as their mentor was to assist them in discovering new outlets in the college environment that coincided with their passions. My first priority as a Resident Mentor was assisting my residents with finding ways to combine their passions and career goals. For some of my residents who were pre-med, it was easier for me to connect them and provide them with the resources to be successful. However, my experiences as a Resident Mentor proved to be unexpectedly challenging. My knowledge of the University of South Carolina (UofSC) community that I had been a part of for over two years was limited to my personal realm of knowledge. The majority of my residents sought my advice and assistance on things I simply did not know. Although all Resident Mentors participated in a week-long training course, I quickly found that I was researching all that UofSC had to offer for each of my residents. With many of my residents, I discussed ways to get involved from intramural sports to honor societies. My individual relationships with each of my residents was key to my support throughout their time as a freshman. I have had residents from all over the country and outside of the US. The first semester of their undergraduate year was their first year to rediscover life on their own and plant their roots for the remainder of their college experience. I worked to plan diverse events that appealed to all of my resident. This included creating friendship bracelets, hosting UofSC trivia night and succulent planting, a dessert trip to Kaminsky’s, many movie nights, and so much more. These events created an environment for my residents to meet new people in our hall, relax, and share their stories. Events are one of my many ways of including everyone to create a homey and comfortable environment. Specifically, this year in my role as a Resident Mentor, I have had to shift my normal community building tactics on my floor. However, even with big changes, my priority has focused increasingly on making sure each of my residents were making friends, succeeding academically, and planting their own roots as an undergraduate student. I also met with each of my resident’s one-on-one, multiple times a semester in order to discuss their overall wellbeing. Artifact 4 includes the outline of questions called “Cocky Convos” that I discussed with each of my residents. Everything from issues of being homesick to difficult family situations, I was there to listen and support them in all ways. My host mom supported me both as a friend and mentor when I was thrown into a new environment abroad. Without her support, knowledge of the community, and guidance, my study abroad experience would never have been as successful. Since I understood what it was like to be a student in a completely new place, I was better able to empathize with and support my residents. I believe self-confidence and self-growth starts at home. Taking the time to invest in my residents, support them, and be their cheerleader through life, has been one of the most challenging and rewarding experiences throughout my time at UofSC. In all of my residents, I was able to see their potential and believe things for their life that they may not always realize they are capable of. College, itself, in many different ways for everyone, is a major step out of student’s comfort zones. In order for my residents to grow they needed to first build a foundation in their new environment at UofSC. I have found that many times, the key to having the courage to grow and try new things can be found in the smile and support of a mentor, friend, or in my case my host family abroad.
Carolina Football Game with a few of my Residents in the Fall of 2019
First Night Carolina with my Residents in Fall of 2020
During my first semester of college, I was enrolled in SOCY 101: Introductory Sociology, which focused on human behaviors including social relations, inequality, collective behaviors, and the impact that social institutions have on our personal lives. Within the classroom, we discussed a unit on social interactions within humans. As humans, we each have our own social construction of reality. Within that reality is the need to belong, dangers of loneliness, and the pre-constructed society that exists around us. These all affect and form our personal, social construction of reality in our own individual lives. When I moved to Costa Rica, my social environment changed drastically; therefore, I adapted. The adaption I experienced in a new country was driven by the fundamental human need to be socially accepted. In addition, sociology discussed the mortality risk from loneliness, which is twice as dangerous as obesity. My host family was critical to my health and experience during my time abroad. Artifact 5 is the PowerPoint my teacher taught as he explained social interactions within human beings (Chicoine 2017). Professor Chicoine discussed the Thomas Theorem in relation the social construction of reality (Chicoine 2017). The Thomas Theorem defines how a subjective reality can drive events within that reality despite it originally being unsupported by objective reality (Chicoine 2017). Our mindset has the ability to shift our interpretation of our environment. My subjective reality throughout my study abroad experience has the ability to shape my objective reality both positively and negatively.
My natural feelings of initial discomfort in a new society, fear of not having my friends and family around, and lack of community in a new country can all be explained by my innate human qualities. Specifically described in Artifact 5, socialization is the process of coming to understand societal norms and expectation to accept beliefs and be aware of values. My experience abroad and my students starting their college career are examples of growth within the concept of socialization. My students adapt to their college environment through growing both academically and personally, as I did during my time abroad. Similarly to Costa Rica, UofSC has a distinct environment which includes societal norms, expectations, beliefs, and values. With time through socialization, we adapt to our environment. Getting comfortable being uncomfortable has completely transformed my life. It has allowed me to enjoy taking risks and navigating new areas of uncertainty in my life. As a current sonography student, I spend an immense amount of time in the hospital working with patients. With my host family, residents, and teachers, I had increasingly more time to build the necessary relationships that I found to be the key to personal success in new environments. However, with new patients, instead of having months to build trust and a strong relationship, we have minutes. Building a strong connection with patients in a short amount of time can be exhausting and difficult. It is critical that the patient feels comfortable in their new environment. Many of the people that I work with have cardiovascular issues that are new and terrifying to them. It is my job to not only accurately scan the patient, but also create an environment in which they feel comfortable. Many patients are often uncomfortable and scared to have a new procedure done. It is through my own experiences in uncomfortable and new environments that I am able to empathize with patients. They probably will not remember what I say, but they will remember how I made them feel. As a future sonographer, creating an environment where patients are comfortable is the foundation of each relationship. Stronger relationships with patients allow for increased communication and better image quality within sonography. Both of these parts help the patient to receive the best healthcare possible.
My experience at Passion originally sparked excitement and eagerness to push myself out of my comfort zone in all areas of my life. Two years later, I have found through self-discipline, consistency, and supportive friendships lie the most rewarding and worthwhile moments in life. I have found that having a positive mindset and stepping outside my comfort zone have been the foundation of my personal and professional growth. Due to the innate factors of socialization, the drive to continue to be a part of my community and adapt will continue to influence my decisions within my environment. As I continue to grow as a student and an individual, I am able to find support from the friendships I build around me and my confident trust in Jesus for the plan that He has for my life. As a future physician, wife, mom, and grandmother, I know life will bring much more that is unexpected; but through the joy of Christ, I am able to find peace and confidence to persevere.
Citations
Chicoine, S. (2017, September 12). Social Interactions [Lecture Record]. Blackboard@UofSC University.